Sparklers and Snape
by hpkiwi
Summary: Fred and George decide to test some of their merchandise during Snape's potions class. The resulting mayhem results in Snape awarding the Twins house points for the first time ever. How did this happen? Featuring a trashed classroom, the phrase Page 394, and an utterly flustered and hacked off Umbridge.


**Sparklers and Snape**

 _Author's Note:_ _This fic transpired because of something utterly random, namely a youtube comments section on Fred and George's fireworks escape scene in the Fifth film. Some jokingly wrote about how Snape would react if the Twins' fireworks interrupted his class, bearing in mind the entire Hogwarts faculty's contempt for Umbridge.  
_

Fred glanced across at his enterprising Twin, and saw the slight nod of approval. It was time. Their attendance records for this year had been terrible, but this was no ordinary Potions class, after all. It was time for some experimentation.

Fred lit the wick on their small prototype firework; it launched with a ferocious, blinding red light and a _whoop!_ , before burying itself into the bubbling interior of Adrian Pucey's cauldron. The cauldron detonated, scalding Pucey with its contents.

Snape whirled with palpable fury as a glob of potion burnt a sizzling hole in his cloak, and the firework multiplied, transforming into ten sparklers that whizzed around the room, setting the textbook cupboard on fire, blowing out the windows and causing general mayhem. Piercing screams filled the room as two cauldrons began to melt and expel their contents with vigour, too.

"ORDER!" Snape bellowed, his sallow skin stretching unpleasantly under the strain. With a quick flick of his wand, something bright and four-legged, some sort of hoofed animal, rushed through one of the shattered windows in the direction of Umbridge's Office.

With the commotion still raging, Snape raised his wand. The noisy report caused Fred's ears to ring shrilly as the class was finally brought under some order, notwithstanding the burning remains of three cauldrons and the now ferociously burning textbook cupboard.

"Two hundred points from Gryffindor," Snape hissed murderously, his teeth bared slightly as his eyes zeroed in on the Twins, neither of whom were bothering to protest their innocence. "And make that a week's worth of detentions for both of you." Turning to the scalded Slytherin Chaser, Snape whirled his wand and the damaged skin mended itself, save for a few isolated red patches.

"Hospital Wing, Mr. Pucey," Snape idly continued as though fireworks disruptions were the norm in every class. "One application of Murtlap Essence will dissolve any scar tissue that remains."

As Adrian Pucey left the room, some of the class reached under their desks and tables for their bags.

"I don't remember anyone saying this class was dismissed," said Snape icily, dark eyes sweeping the room as the class sheepishly complied. Just then, there was a knock on the dungeon door.

"Come in," Snape spoke, punctuating the gap in-between the words with a contemptuous pause. Fred looked at George with an element of fear. Surely it must've been Umbridge he'd sent for. Sure enough, Dolores Umbridge briskly marched in, face flushed and looking as though she'd swallowed a particularly unpleasant fly. Fred heard a sharp, fearful intake of breath from George. He was fairly certain they'd be facing writing lines with her Blood Quills that very evening.

"Yes, Professor Snape?" she querulously enquired, hands on hips.

Snape sighed, looking down his elongated proboscis at the diminutive High Inquisitor with undisguised contempt.

"It seems…," he sneered, "…that Mr. Fred Weasley was especially clumsy today and as you can see-" he indicated the burning textbook cupboard and the shattered glass covering several benches – "-we've experienced some extensive property damage. You see, I, ah, didn't wish to interrupt the Headmaster at this point in time, such is the importance of his schedule."

George nudged Fred who raised his eyebrows slightly. They all knew that Snape could've extinguished the fire, repaired the cauldrons and cleaned up the glass within thirty seconds if he was so inclined. Umbridge was positively swelling in front of their eyes.

"What is it if I may ask, Professor, that you need me here _for_ exactly?" She finished this probing question with one of her trademark giggles that made Fred's arms erupt in goosebumps.

Snape raised an eyebrow sardonically.

"As High Inquisitor and such an _esteemed_ member of our faculty, I see your powers of observation are as good as ever." At that, he gave her the slightest curt nod. With a whirl of his cloak, he turned back to the class.

"The practical element of this class has finished. _Evanesco_." One sweep of his wand saw the contents of the remaining cauldrons vanish. Another whirl saw all the flames in the room, save for the ablaze textbook cupboard, extinguish instantly.

" _Hem Hem!"_

"Ah, yes," Snape drawled. "If you don't mind, Professor Umbridge, I would _love_ an extra pair of hands in tidying this classroom up. As you can see, my hands are rather full." Pulling out his copy of the textbook, he flicked through to the appropriate page. "Please turn to Chapter Eleven, Page three hundred and ninety _four_." He scowled slightly as some near the back of the class raised their hands hesitantly.

"Twenty points from Hufflepuff, Sanders and Stebbins, and another ten from Ravenclaw, Fawcett. I told everyone to bring their textbooks, not keep them in the cupboard." Fred stifled a snigger as Umbrige tripped over a table leg to repair the first broken window. The bell rang outside, but as George and one or two other hopefuls rose, they were given a piercing glare by Snape that would've slain a Basilisk.

"Given that three of our number have been so negligent with their textbooks, I see no point in continuing for now," said Snape icily as he tapped his fingers impatiently at Umbridge's slow wand-work. "Everyone, _d_ _uck."_ As Snape whirled his wand at the burning cupboard, spraying a highly concentrated jet of water that extinguished the flames immediately, Umbridge emitted another giggle, although as she passed his and George's bench, Fred could see her nostrils were flared. Marching to the door, she whipped around.

"Well I must thank you _profusely_ for that timely intervention, Professor," she smiled in her familiar faux-saccharine manner. Snape gave another low, sardonic bow, precisely enunciating every syllable of his reply.

"My pleasure. I do know how….focused the Ministry have been lately on promoting new health and safety measures at Hogwarts, and I confess I was not sure if I any longer had the... _authority_ to do it myself."

With a final lazy flick of his wand, the door was shut in Umbrige's thunderous face.

"I would like a word, Weasley and Weasley," Snape called out. Fred grimaced at George as they approached the Potions Master's desk and as the remainder of the class trooped out.

"Sit," snarled Snape as he motioned to two very uncomfortable chairs up front. Neither Twin was prepared for the next thing that came out of Severus Snape's mouth. It was delivered in a furious whisper, as though Snape himself feared anyone hearing it.

"Two hundred and ten points _to_ Gryffindor. Now get out before I change my mind and make it detention for the rest of the year."

His mind still spinning at what had just transpired, Fred caught George's eye in the corridor outside and both broke into identical evil grins. Their merchandise was good to go.

Now all they needed to do was to wait for the loathsome old bat to seize total power at the school.


End file.
